Thursday, December 21, 2006

Quantum Santa Time

Ever wondered how Santa Claus manages to do the stocking run in a single night without moving so fast that his kinetic energy would ignite chimneys all over the world? Wonder no more. I've worked out that Santa operates in QST (Quantum Santa Time)
This is how it works. There are 365 days in a year - 364 working days and 1 Christmas day. In Quantum Santa Time, it's the other way round - 364 Christmas Days and 1 day off (probably his birthday). Being quantum time, these 364 days can all overlap, giving Santa 8736 hours to work with. There are 24 time zones, so Santa starts with a ration of 364 hours per time zone. But not all time zones are equally populated, so Santa can borrow hours from the time zones straddling the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans, and add them to the time zones covering Europe and the Eastern and Western seaboards of America where the bulk of the Santa-believing children live.
So if you were to be at the North Pole on Sunday night, you would observe Santa and his reindeer-drawn sleigh fissioning into 364 quantum Santas, heading south in an ever widening ring until they disappeared over the horizon.
And that is how Santa is able to deliver all those presents in one night.


Steven Bently said...

I always wondered how Santa did all that. Do you think that now since you've broken Santa's secret operative that he may just bypass your house this year....hmmm?? I bet you didn't and it serves you right too. Some things are meant to be kept secret and now you've ruined Christmas for millions of children all over the world, is this something you're proud of?

How does that make you feel now, big fella? M-C

Deacon Barry said...

Hell yeah! My belief in Santa was cruelly crushed when I was four. It was the Christmas party for the children of the factory employees, and Santa came to give out the presents - AND HE MISSED ME OUT! Well that's the way it seemed at the time. Somebody hadn't put my first name on the present, so of course I was listening so intently for my first name to be called out, I missed it when my surname was read out. Once Santa got to the end of the presents, I was bitterly disappointed and inconsolable. Of course I got the present in the end, but I don't think I ever bought in to the whole Santa thing after that.

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

Merry Christmas!

universal health said...

Reads suspiciously like a quantum entanglement to me, but then, I'm just a nurse.

Great post, DB! Glad I've found your blog!