1. Move every stalk individually and build a new haystack exactly six feet from the original. At some point, you'll encounter the needle.
They asked me to tell them about myself. Then as each took turns asking me questions, things got strange. One guy asked me to
name 10 ways to find a needle in a haystack. Another wanted to know how many gallons of water it took to put out an average house fire. What almost put me over the edge was when one of them asked me how many things I could do with a marshmallow. I couldn't tell her what I was actually thinking!
10 ways to find a needle in a haystack
2. Throw the haystack into a swimming pool. Add detergent to break surface tension. Straw floats, needle sinks.
3. Take haystack to scrapyard. Use industrial strength electromagnet to retrieve needle.
4. Bribe your children with a reward for the needle. Remuneration should reflect how badly you want the damned thing.
5. If you know who was injected with the needle, genetically splice their DNA with a glowworm's DNA and Staphylococcus Aureus. Grow in culture. Spray on haystack. Genetically modified bacteria will latch onto remnants of human biological material and glow in the dark, or in UV light.
6. Send haystack to the X-ray department for an X-ray,
8. MRI scan. If you hear a 'tink', that's the needle hitting the magnets (see 3.)
9. Bleep the Hospital chaplain. E-mail Bill Gates asking for his assistance. Borrow camel from zoo.Have chaplain preach to Bill Gates. It should then be easy for the camel to locate the eye of the needle for the purposes of walking through it.
10. Set haystack on fire. Toast marshmallows. Use calculated gallons of water for house fire to put out haystack fire. Poke through the ashes and find small metal lump. That's your needle.